PART 1: First Impressions – You Only Have Ten Seconds to Show You’re a Somebody
- The Flooding Smile
👉 Don’t greet people with a sudden, automatic grin. Instead, pause for a moment when you see someone, then let a warm, sincere smile gradually spread across your face. This conveys genuine pleasure and creates trust from the start. - Sticky Eyes
👉 Hold your gaze a little longer than usual during conversations. Steady, focused eye contact shows confidence, attentiveness, and respect—making others feel important. - Epoxy Eyes
👉 Even when you’re not the one speaking, maintain visual attention on the person you’re interested in. It sends a signal of admiration and makes them feel special. - Hang by Your Teeth
👉 Imagine a string pulling you straight up by your front teeth. This visualization corrects posture and makes you appear more poised, confident, and charismatic. - The Big-Baby Pivot
👉 When someone joins you, turn your entire body—feet, torso, and head—toward them. This complete pivot shows respect and makes the other person feel fully acknowledged. - Hello Old Friend
👉 Pretend the person you’ve just met is a long-lost friend. This mental shift will naturally make your body language warm, genuine, and inviting. - Limit the Fidget
👉 Avoid jittery habits like tapping, shifting, or playing with objects. Fidgeting communicates nervousness or distraction and undermines your presence. - Hans’s Horse Sense
👉 Like the horse “Clever Hans,” who responded to subtle emotional cues, learn to mirror other people’s emotions and facial expressions to connect on a subconscious level. - Watch the Scene Before You Make the Scene
👉 Before you enter a room or group, take a moment to observe the vibe—energy level, tone of conversation, dress code—and adjust your behavior accordingly. - Make a Mood Match
👉 If someone is low-energy or serious, don’t come in overly enthusiastic. Match their mood first to build rapport, then gradually elevate the tone if needed.
PART 2: What Do I Say After I Say “Hi”? – Starting and Maintaining Conversations
- The Swiveling Spotlight
👉 Make others feel like stars by giving them undivided attention. Turn your body toward them, lock eyes, and ask engaging questions focused on them. - Parroting
👉 Repeat a key word or short phrase someone has just used. It shows you’re actively listening and encourages them to elaborate further. - Encore!
👉 If someone tells a great story or joke, ask them to share it again in front of others. It makes them feel interesting, appreciated, and admired. - Ac-cen-tu-ate the Positive
👉 Avoid negativity or complaints in conversation. People are drawn to positive energy, so focus on uplifting, cheerful, or constructive dialogue. - The Latest News… Don’t Leave Home Without It
👉 Stay informed on current events, pop culture, or intriguing trivia. These serve as great conversation starters and show you’re worldly and engaged. - Never the Naked City
👉 When asked where you’re from, don’t just name the city. Add a descriptive or emotional detail that invites curiosity and connection. - Never the Naked Job
👉 Go beyond your job title. Describe your role in an interesting way that reflects passion, uniqueness, or insight. - Never the Naked Introduction
👉 When introducing two people, give more than names—add something memorable or flattering about each person to ignite a richer interaction. - Be a Word Detective
👉 Pay attention to emotionally charged words or recurring themes. These are the speaker’s “hot buttons,” and responding to them deepens rapport. - The Swear Word Substitution
👉 Replace crude language with expressive but clean phrases. This keeps your speech vivid and impactful while remaining respectful. - Kill the Quick “Me, Too!”
👉 Don’t immediately jump in with your own similar story. Let the speaker fully express themselves before sharing your experience—stay in their world first. - Comm-YOU-nication
👉 Use “you” instead of “I” to shift the focus to the other person. Saying things like “You must have felt amazing” makes them feel seen and valued. - The Exclusive Smile
👉 Save your sincere, full smile for when you’re directly engaged with someone. This personal touch makes them feel singled out in a positive way.
PART 3: How to Talk Like a VIP – Making Your Conversations Sophisticated and Memorable
- Don’t Touch a Cliché with a Ten-Foot Pole
👉 Ditch overused expressions like “It’s raining cats and dogs.” Instead, speak with fresh, original language. This makes you sound intelligent and more engaging. - Use Jawsmith’s Jive
👉 Develop your own clever turns of phrase. Personal expressions or “verbal trademarks” make your conversations more vivid and memorable. - Call a Spade a Spade
👉 Be clear and direct. Use specific, strong words instead of vague or watered-down terms. It builds credibility and keeps listeners interested. - Trash the Teasing
👉 Avoid making fun of others—even if it seems harmless. Sarcasm can hurt feelings and damage rapport, especially in early interactions. - It’s the Receiver’s Ball
👉 What matters in communication is how your message is received—not just what you meant. Pay attention to others’ reactions and adjust accordingly. - The Broken Record
👉 When someone avoids answering a question, calmly and respectfully repeat it. This shows assertiveness and prevents them from dodging important topics. - Big Shots Don’t Slobber
👉 Powerful people don’t overdo compliments or try too hard. Speak confidently and sparingly—quality over quantity in your words. - Never the Naked Thank You
👉 Don’t just say “Thanks.” Add a reason or detail: “Thanks for helping with that project—it made a big difference.” This adds sincerity and meaning. - Don’t Wipe the Smile Off Your Face
👉 After smiling, let your expression fade naturally. Abruptly going from smiling to serious can seem insincere or jarring. - Watch the Windshield Wiper
👉 Avoid letting your eyes dart side to side like a wiper blade. Keep your gaze focused to signal calmness, confidence, and attention. - Let ‘Em Savor the Flavor
👉 When someone tells a good story or makes a joke, pause for a beat before responding. It shows appreciation and lets the moment land. - Learn a Little ‘Jobbledygook’
👉 Learn key terms and jargon from the industries or fields your contacts work in. Speaking their language builds respect and connection. - Baring Their Hot Button
👉 Notice what topics make someone’s face light up. These emotional cues tell you what excites them—talk more about those things to build deep rapport.
PART 4: How to Be an Insider – Building Influence and Personal Connection
- Bare the Buried WIIFM (What’s In It For Me?)
👉 People subconsciously filter everything through their own interests. Shape your conversations to highlight benefits for them—answer their silent “What’s in it for me?” - Make It a Habit to Help
👉 Regularly look for small ways to assist others—offering introductions, advice, or favors. This builds goodwill, loyalty, and makes you memorable. - Party Juggling
👉 At social events, learn to move between conversations without appearing rude. Politely excuse yourself and re-engage others smoothly. It shows charm and social grace. - Clear ‘Customs’ Before Putting Out the ‘Welcome’ Mat
👉 When entering a new group (social, professional, cultural), first observe their norms and style. Adapt before participating fully to gain acceptance. - Bluffing for Beginners
👉 If you’re unfamiliar with a topic, don’t fake expertise. Instead, ask questions and make general, open comments. People appreciate sincere curiosity over pretense. - Learn a Lot of Little
👉 Be a generalist in conversation—know small, interesting things across a variety of fields. This equips you to connect with many different types of people. - Develop a Ph.D. in ‘Small Talk’
👉 Treat small talk as an essential skill, not trivial. Mastering it creates comfort, trust, and opens doors to deeper conversations. - Read Their Rags
👉 Read the same magazines, blogs, or industry news as the people you want to connect with. Referencing their interests makes you feel like part of their tribe. - Clear the Underbrush
👉 Don’t clutter your speech with hesitations, filler words, or rambling intros. Get to the point and speak with purpose to command attention. - Paint a Picture with Your Words
👉 Use vivid, sensory language and storytelling. People remember what they can visualize—transform dry facts into mental images. - Make ’Em Feel They’re the One
👉 Treat each person like they’re the most important one in the room. Give your full attention and personalized responses to build strong, memorable rapport. - Learn Some Killer Compliments
👉 Give sincere, specific compliments that go beyond looks—acknowledge their efforts, character, or achievements. Thoughtful praise sticks with people. - Make a Micromovie
👉 Craft short, engaging stories with a beginning, middle, and end. These tiny narratives captivate more than general opinions or facts. - Play the Tombstone Game
👉 Ask yourself how you want to be remembered—then behave that way now. It helps you stay authentic and grounded in your values during interactions.
PART 5: How to Work a Party Like a Politician – Networking with Ease and Impact
- The Business Card Dossier
👉 After meeting someone, jot a few notes on their business card—such as interests, appearance, or topics discussed. This helps you personalize follow-ups and stand out as thoughtful. - Eyeball Selling
👉 When you hand someone your business card, look them in the eye. This eye contact enhances sincerity and leaves a stronger impression than just handing it over passively. - The Trophy Tribute
👉 Compliment something they obviously value—like a piece of jewelry, award, or desk decoration. It flatters them subtly and opens warm, meaningful conversation. - Talk to the Taxi Driver
👉 Use everyday opportunities—like rideshares or coffee shop visits—to practice engaging strangers. It’s low-pressure and helps build conversational confidence. - Sing Their Same Tune
👉 When joining a group, mirror their tone, pace, and energy. Adapting your vibe helps you blend in and be accepted quickly. - Never Let Them See You Sweat
👉 Even if you feel nervous, act calm and poised. Confidence is contagious—and people respond more positively when you project self-assurance. - Read My Lips
👉 Be a strong, attentive listener. Focus on the person’s words, tone, and subtext. Listening deeply makes people feel respected and builds trust. - The Great Scorecard in the Sky
👉 Imagine everyone is silently scoring you on qualities like warmth, confidence, and likability. Use this mindset to show up at your best in all interactions. - Play the Tombstone Game (Again!)
👉 Revisit the question: “What do I want people to say about me when I’m gone?” Use this vision to guide your behavior and stay true to your ideal self in social settings. - Bluffing for Beginners (Revisited)
👉 When you don’t know something in a group chat, don’t fake it. Ask questions and listen actively instead. Curiosity is more impressive than false knowledge. - Munching or Mingling
👉 At events, don’t hide behind the food table. Keep one hand free for greetings and mingle confidently. Food can be a social barrier if overused. - Who’s Got the Monkey?
👉 Don’t let people shift their problems onto you. If a task isn’t yours, gently return the “monkey” (responsibility) back to its rightful owner.
PART 6: How to Break the Most Treacherous Glass Ceiling of All – Becoming Truly Charismatic
- Make Them Want to Change the World (With You)
👉 Inspire others by speaking with passion and vision. Let your energy be contagious—people are drawn to those who make them feel they’re part of something big and meaningful. - Reach Out and Touch Someone
👉 A brief, appropriate touch—like a handshake or gentle pat—can build rapport and emotional warmth faster than words. Physical connection creates trust and closeness. - Trade Shows Are Not About Your Company
👉 At networking events, focus on building relationships—not promoting products. People are more receptive to connections than pitches. - Who’s the Real McCoy?
👉 Be your authentic self. Trying too hard or putting on a front backfires. People trust and connect more with genuine, transparent individuals. - Be the Chooser, Not the Choosee
👉 Act as though you’re evaluating others to see if they’re worth your time. It reverses the power dynamic and boosts your perceived confidence and value. - Let ’Em See You Sweat (Just a Little)
👉 Revealing a touch of vulnerability now and then—like admitting a small mistake—makes you human and relatable. It invites others to connect emotionally. - The One-Word Hall of Fame
👉 Identify one strong word or quality that people associate with you (e.g., “innovative,” “reliable”). This creates a memorable personal brand. - See No Bloopers, Hear No Bloopers
👉 When someone makes a social error, overlook it gracefully. Letting things slide shows class, emotional intelligence, and makes others feel safe around you. - Lend a Helping Tongue
👉 If someone forgets a name or loses their words in public, help them out smoothly. It shows leadership, kindness, and strong social instincts. - Embrace the Macho and the Femme
👉 Recognize both traditionally masculine (assertiveness) and feminine (nurturing) traits in communication. Blending both styles makes you more versatile and appealing to everyone.
PART 7: How to Differentiate the Power of Praise from the Folly of Flattery – Creating Authentic Emotional Bonds
- Blarney Is Boring
👉 Avoid generic flattery. Instead, give sincere, specific compliments based on genuine observations—this builds trust and appreciation. - Never the Naked Thank You
👉 Don’t just say “thank you.” Add context to it. Example: “Thanks for your insights during the meeting—it really helped clarify the direction.” - Ping with Your Praise
👉 Reinforce past compliments with continued appreciation. Following up keeps the positive connection alive and shows lasting recognition. - Echo the Emo
👉 Mirror people’s emotional state. Match their excitement, calm, or seriousness to create harmony and show empathy. - Employ Empathizers
👉 Use phrases like “That must be tough” or “I can see how that would be frustrating.” Empathetic language helps people feel understood. - Let ’Em Savor the Spotlight
👉 Encourage others to talk about themselves. Hold back your own stories and give them space—it makes them feel valued and heard. - Live by the Platinum Rule
👉 Don’t just treat people how you want to be treated (Golden Rule). Treat them how they want to be treated—customized kindness goes further. - Tune In Before They Talk
👉 Observe people’s body language, energy, and mood before they speak. This helps you respond with better timing and sensitivity. - Make Their ‘Inside’ Feel Like ‘Outside’
👉 Refer to personal details or values they’ve shared previously. It shows deep attentiveness and emotional investment. - Bare Their Hot Button
👉 Discover what people are most passionate about and talk about it. Tapping into these “hot buttons” creates deep and lively engagement. - Beware the Fragile Ego
👉 Be cautious with criticism or even jokes—some people are more sensitive than they appear. Preserve their dignity. - Mine the Mini-Milestones
👉 Celebrate even small accomplishments or efforts. Acknowledging minor wins builds goodwill and strengthens relationships. - Always Use the ‘Swear’ Word
👉 Use phrases like “I swear to you” to emphasize sincerity and emotional investment, especially when giving praise or apologizing. - Call a Spade a Spade
👉 Speak honestly and clearly—whether praising or critiquing. People respect those who are upfront without being harsh. - Rub the Right Way
👉 Know when and how (or whether) to use physical touch. Always respect individual comfort levels with gestures like hugs, handshakes, or shoulder taps. - Heat-Seeking Missiles
👉 Greet people like you were hoping to see them specifically. It makes others feel special and wanted. - Be the Brightest Light
👉 Radiate positivity and good energy. People are drawn to those who consistently uplift the room and brighten others’ moods. - Always Remember Their ‘Someday’
👉 If someone shares a dream or future plan, bring it up later to show you care and remember—it’s incredibly flattering and connective. - Build the ‘Big-Baby’ Brand
👉 Make others feel nurtured and important around you, like they’re your “big baby.” It fosters comfort, loyalty, and emotional intimacy. - Learn to Make ’Em Laugh (Gently)
👉 Use light, kind humor that uplifts rather than mocks. Inclusive, gentle laughter is a fast track to rapport.
Final Thoughts
Leil Lowndes delivers a book filled with practical, bite-sized strategies aimed at making you more charismatic, likable, and influential. The beauty of the book lies in its actionable format: each “trick” is easy to understand and implement immediately in personal and professional interactions.
